In general I have always viewed myself as a nice girl. Someone who cares about others and is willing to help. I put great effort in being sensitive to others' needs and try to anticipate and meet those needs. I've always thought that I'm feminine and well-mannered.
Lately I've been having a really hard time with Rayna. She always seems so dramatic, short tempered, and self-serving. I know this is probably common for the occasional 7 year old girl, but it is frustrating to me because that is not her nature (well, maybe the drama part is...). She is one of the most thoughtful, caring, and sensitive people I know. Always happy to help and quick to notice and tend to everyone's needs.
Lately she's developed the habit of a dramatic *sigh* whenever I speak to her. No matter if I'm asking her to put her backpack away or if I'm answering a question she has asked me. It's gotten to the point that I don't even want to respond when she comes to me for fear I might say the wrong thing (which is always the case). Today she came to me and asked a question and I just kind of made a funny flinching face at her instead of answering - trying to add a bit of humor to the situation. When she asked what I was doing, I told her I was afraid she'd be upset with me if I answered her question. She didn't like that very much.
I asked her a few days ago after she gave me a dramatic sigh as a response to a simple request from me why she does that. "Why do you 'huff' whenever I ask you to do something?" Her accusatory response as she stomped away was "That's what you do!"
No, I don't huff! But of course I became more aware of any quick release of air from my lungs from thence forward. And I have found the source of the problem: ME.
It's true, I don't huff. But occasionally, when I am frustrated as I'm sure all mothers become after asking nicely for the 10th time, I find that I take a deep breath. You know, the close your eyes and count to 10 cleansing breath "Stay-calm" tactic. In my attempts to be patient and teach patience, I have actually communicated impatience. I guess I'll have to find another method for cooling my jets.
I have found also that my attempts to discipline without emotion has helped me not to loose my temper, but it has also taught them to ignore people (siblings) who are crying or upset. This shows me I have failed to teach them compassion. I have noticed that most of the things my kids do that are upsetting to me are only greatly exaggerated versions of my own shortcomings.
A humbling reflection. I have some repenting to do.
4 comments:
Oh, how I can relate! I feel like every tactic I have employed to become a better mom has inadvertently taught my children adverse behavior. You just can't win sometimes.
I've overheard Mera (on more than one occasion) say to Sylas, "I don't care, " or "she (me) doesn't care," when he whines about something. Yikes.
You are far too observant and conscientious to do much damage. Let me know when you have all the answers - I could use a few!
Uh oh. Busted. Well, keep in mind that Rayna is quite compassionate and thoughtful. I'm sure she learned those things from you as well. *Wink*
I think you ARE kind, compassionate and tender - sighs and all.
You're lucky your daughter is so advanced! Isn't huffing 13-yr-old language?
My 10-yr-old primary girls still argue over what color cup they drink out of, speaking of maturity.
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