It's been 2 and 1/2 years now, since my returned-missionary brother decided to embrace a different lifestyle than he was raised with. This decision created a lot of hurt not only for him, but for his family as well. It's been very interesting to watch his journey. My brother is intellectual and smart and is all about honesty. Being raised in a faithful LDS home, he has had to reconcile his choices with himself to turn his new views into the real truth and his upbringing as narrow and limited lie. He doesn't go to church anymore, doesn't wear his temple garment, and has classified himself as "agnostic" on his MySpace profile. Although it is hard for me to see his choices and hear his new belief system, I realize they are his and I have abandoned the futile attempt to convince him otherwise.
What I still cannot understand is why people who end up leaving the Church can't just leave. It's like they have to prove to the world that they are right and the Church is wrong. It's not just my brother. I have noticed this over and over again. I would think that if you didn't believe the church was true, or that the Prophet was not a spokesperson for the Lord, or even that there was a Lord at all - why would you work so hard to DISprove it? I would think that if you didn't believe it, you'd just leave it and find another community to support your beliefs. If we are wrong, misguided, and brainwashed, why would you care? Why would you keep tabs on the latest publication and public announcements and teachings? Although I don't believe in Catholicism, I don't publish a newspaper article about why they are wrong, make a stink about Scientology, or even Satan worship. Even though I don't agree or understand, I don't mock Muslims or FLDS for their different lifestyle or standards.
I would just think that if someone didn't believe in the church that they would just leave and leave it be. Why do people hold on just enough to argue, to mock, to publish our sacred ordinances, to speak ill of the leaders we love. Is it like that with any religion or am I just sensitive to attacks of my own beliefs? Don't I have a right to worship how, where, or what I may? I don't try to preach to my brother. He knows what I believe and he's taken another road. That's fine. He wants us to support him in his new life. Why is it so hard to give the same to those he left? Why do those who's faith is shattered feel the need to destroy the faith of those that are happy believing?
Although, I know why, it still chaps my hide.
9 comments:
It "chaps my hide" as well, and is SOOO frustrating! I don't ever understand it, and have had these same thoughts often. I always want to yell, "If you spent as much time and energy reading your scriptures and saying your prayers as you do trying to disprove it, you'd have your answer!" I know this is terribly unchristian of me, but it's come to the point where I completely avoid any thought of, conversation about, or contact with a certain family member because interaction has just become too painful and infuriating. I feel like, for now, it's the only way I can keep my sanity (a little balm for my poor hide, if you will). I tried everything else, and only felt horrible sadness and sickening rage, which literally swallowed me up to the point that I couldn't think about much else. I have yet to be the kind of person who can love and accept certain people despite constant abuse of that love. I strive to be better. Thank you for your eloquent verse on the subject. I know it's so hard, and I appreciate your feelings. Sometimes blogs are the best for letting off steam, aren't they?!
I hear you, Rindee. I too have a sibling that has chosen something else. Makes me sad, and bugs me to no end. I hate that I'm expected to accept his lifestyle choice and if I don't I'm "close minded."
Aargh!!
Hope you can find some balm for your hide.
Yeah, it's funny how choosing to live a strict lifestyle is associated with close-mindedness. As though anyone with an open and educated mind would choose to have any sort of self-dicipline at all.
News flash! I am not naive just because I choose what things I do not wish to have in my life. In fact, the opposite is true. My choices are educated ones.
Perhaps because this hasn't affected me as intimately as it has you, I am having a hard time grasping why it has to be all about him. He is asking you to give up your sense of morality, and embrace his lifestyle; in a sense, he is demanding that you see two suns when there is only one. And yet, he refuses to offer you anything in return. He doesn't say, "accept me as I make another lifestyle choice, and I'll respect you in your lifestyle choice. I'll accept the boundaries that you set forth in your home with your children." I believe that is a show of maturity. The way the world works for grownups is this: You don't get to choose your consequences, and you don't get to force others to do what you want them to do. Isn't that what he's after: to convince you that black is white so that he can feel better about himself in the decision he's made? I see immaturity, selfishness, fear, and insecurity. Very sad.
You are eloquent, Rindee. And I think you're right.
There's a film where Satan says that if we don't keep our covenants, we are in his power. It's true.
I don't think I really blog about my lifestyle choices; I don't bring up my beliefs even when I'm severely outnumbered in a group setting; I don't look for opportunities to be offended. Granted, there are a lot of things that are neither black nor white. But black will never be white.
I admire you, Rindee, for being so mature about the situation, when it's clearly painful and confusing and frustrating for you.
Well said. I feel the same way. I liked what Sharalen commmented about the fact that when someone leaves the church they expect you to accept them fully in their choices, yet don't respect, in return, the choices and boundaries you live by. Seems so obviously hypocritical, doesn't it? But what really can we do about it, except stand tall against the followers of the adversary and not let them dictate what we do or don't allow into our homes. I don't care how cute you think you are, I refuse to allow evil into my home if I can help it. I don't allow smoking and drinking or pornography, so why the heck would I allow homosexuality in???
sorry. I think I got a little carried away. . .I could go on for hours about this subject.
Well- I don't know the full situation, but in my life I find people still who spend energy trying to prove things are still probably proving them to theirselves.
I believe Spencer W. Kimball has a quote on how people are how live within standards are the most open minded people ever- they are willing to put aside desires and resist temptation for a greater cause- whcih takes a very strong spirit and mind. He says it is those who chose not to uphold standards that aare sheltered, for they have never fought the pangs of temptaioin and tested themselves in resistance. A very powerful quote- (but I saw it in the middle of the night on BYU TV and can not give it to you word for word.)
Stick to your standards- only when the heart and mind confirm truth together do you feel true peace.
Your post and the comments are so wise. It's refreshing to hear people who aren't deceived by the homosexual agenda. I meet (and know) people all the time who are struggling with their testimonies because they are confused by the arguments being made.
Rindee, you bear it well, that must be so heartbreaking and frustrating for you.
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