Let them be Little

About a month ago Rayna made the comment: "Mom, you're so HAPPY today! It's so nice. Do you think you could do that more often?" I was very surprised. I wasn't feeling particularly happy that day, or any different than I had been feeling, but I did happen to get up to unlock the door for her when she came home from school so she didn't have to let herself in through the garage. I couldn't stop thinking about her comment. I must have been behaving pretty badly t have one small act of service mean that much to my little girl.

Thinking about the previous months, I could see that I had been a bit impatient and at times, even grumpy. I was currently trying to recover from the birth of my fourth child after a complicated 3rd trimester. During the last few months of the pregnancy I got very ill. I lost weight, and my baby was losing weight, too. So, I had to concentrate on growing my baby in record time. My orders were to rest and take it easy so that the food I ate would go towards her growth instead of my energy. I am normally a really active person, so this was a real struggle for me. Laziness is nice for awhile, but I soon began to feel depressed and irritable because I couldn't do the things that I wanted or needed to be done. I felt like I was failing at being a mother and a wife and boy, did I have cabin-fever! Then, naturally, after the baby did come, I was still supposed to take it easy during the 6 week recovery period. I don't need to mention how sleep deprived new mothers are, as well.

So Rayna's comment was kind of like a kick in the pants for me. I knew I wasn't feeling well, but I was hoping that no one would notice, because I knew it would pass. I guess they noticed, anyway. So I apologized to my kids and re-dedicated myself to being more kind and loving to my children.

That weekend was Rayna's dance recital, and one of the classes danced to a song called "Let them be Little". I had never heard the song before, but the words of the song brought tears to my eyes. It was a song just for me. It addressed all the things I wish I could do for my kids, but I am too pre-occupied with teaching them to be well-mannered-contributors-to-society, that I forget to enjoy their childhood. I'm afraid that if I don't change my ways that they may forget to enjoy their childhood as well.

The next day was Sunday. Jaeda was sick, so Rick went to church the first 2 hours, and I got to go the last hour, to Relief Society. The teacher had asked 2 of the sisters to share a personal experience. Iris Wiseman's experience seemed to be the fireworks at the end of this week that seemed to have a theme just for me. She said that now that she had decided she was done having children, she was trying to change her focus as a mother. She said she had the most wonderful childhood, and now she wanted her focus to be just that: Creating wonderful childhood memories and environment for her own children.

I know it's not rocket-science, and I'm sure most mothers are concerned with this. I love being a mother, and I take my responsibility very seriously. I think that is the problem, though. I take it TOO seriously. I find myself getting frustrated with their messes, their immaturity, and hypersensitive feelings - all things that are very normal in childhood. I feel like my focus is teaching my children to be loving, to be good, to be kind, to be smart, to have faith, to be honest...etc. But I admit my focus isn't creating a "wonderful childhood" for them. Why can't I do both? Really, if they know they are loved and love to be home, then most of the issues that will be hard for them to deal with as teenagers won't be so hard to deal with if they know they are loved and supported by their family.

So that is my goal this summer: To be kinder, to be more compassionate, to do some fun things together as a family, and to focus more on creating a feeling of love and unity in our home. This is a huge feat for me, so I'm enlisting help from heaven and we'll see how this goes. We're doing some new things as a family, and after a week, it seems to be going really well. Hopefully someday my children will be able to say they had a "wonderful childhood".